Last night was incredibly shitty. I never knew you felt that way about me. The things I say to you, I tell no one else. If they mean so little to you, you should have just said so right from the start and I’d never bother you with them again.
I’m so tired. I have so much to say and too much to do and I can’t tell anyone about it. I need a break.
On a side note, it’s at times like these where I miss the person you used to be. I could tell you everything and anything and you’d make me feel better instantly. I never had to explain myself; the things I did and the way I did them – you simply understood. You’d listen, give me a hug and a kiss on the forehead and everything would just be alright. Being around you made me feel like I could breathe again; almost as if i’d been holding my breath the entire day just to see your face. I’ve never felt relief like this with anyone else. Sometimes I feel that when we came to an abrupt end, you left me without the air in my lungs. I’m still breathless and everything is just, paused, somehow. It’s been over 2 years since, and I don’t ever want you back again after what you did, but I just want to feel like I can breathe again.
I want to be as happy as I was back then. Right now it’s just a tumultuous ride – the highs are fucking high but the lows are fucking, fucking, fucking low – why can’t we just be stable for a little while? A happy kind of stable? You said you want to marry me but I don’t know if I can be with you forever if the next 50 years are going to be this psychotic. Is stability too much to ask for? You’ve changed for the better, I know that and I’m so grateful for the effort you’re putting in. You’re trying your best but what if your best isn’t good enough? Barely happy 70% of the time isn’t how I want the rest of my life to be.
God i’m so fucking tired.
And here I thought I was good at what I did.
Today I saw something that made my eyes pop, my heart bleed and left my ego tattered and torn. I have so much more to learn; so very much more. BRB wallowing in self-pity for abit lol.
Note to self:
Do better next time.
What sort of twisted fate led you to become a parent? You’re a shitty excuse for one, you have no fucking idea. I dream of the day I move out; I’d never have to see your face again.
My sister is about to get on a flight to Berlin and she won’t be back for 2 weeks ):
Sad girl iz i, miss her already T_T ! WHY YOU LEAVE ME TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT ALL ALONE!? Hurry on back leh T_T. I should have stolen her passport or something rofl.
On a side note, I fear I may be going blind. I can barely do my work for 4 hours or more before the mother of all headaches kicks in. Need to get glasses asap before my eyeballs implode. Pissed as hell, what happened to my perfect eyesight T_T ?! zzzzz
Random conversation with my brother’s girlfriend :
Luna : I want to get a Husky !
Me: How about a corgi instead?
Luna : OMG YA CORGIS ARE DAMN CUTE! If i’m getting a cat I will get a scottish fold or a munchkin instead.
Me : Munchkin? Aren’t those like midgets / little people???
Luna : No la, they’re like cat versions of corgis! They have short legs and arms etc !
Me : ??????????? *goes to youtube to search*
SO CUTE WTF /DEAD ??!?!?!?!
Sheer shirts in Mint and Black via F21, and more sheer stuff. The sheer (excuse the pun) amount of stuff has got my wallet reeling rofl. Aiya so anyway, collected my asos package ysterday evening from the post office, but it wasn’t the original package I thought it was ( the one with the stag-print blazer etc). It’s missing and I’m fucking annoyed la wtf never had a lost parcel from ASOS before, are you shitting me right now -_- ?? Really don’t want to be a fussy customer and write in etc but I’ll need to get my moneh back T_T . Wish I could get replacements instead but they’re all sold out on site. Pfffffft.
A lot of work due tomorrow, I predict that I will get no sleep tonight. More tonight, gotta finish some work on the train so ttyl !
I’m so fucking pissed. I know I haven’t been blogging, but that’s only because I CAN’T. So much shit I want to tell ya’ll, all about the HOARDS of stupid people i’ve been bombarded with and the shitload of crazy clients that have been bugging the fuck out of me but I can’t I can’t I fucking can’t. 23 fucking years old already, I have to consider the consequences of shooting my mouth off now. Seriously considering moving back to livejournal and locking it with friends-only mode.
So fucking angry today, too many stupid people roaming the earth and too many laws that protect them from being killed by raging victims-of-stupidity like myself. So tragic.